Fix ~60s delay before accept buttons work on new requests

Root cause: ['connections', 'incoming'] query has no polling, so
pendingRequestIds stays empty until manually refetched. Accept buttons
on NotificationsPage are gated by this set.

- NotificationsPage: detect connection_request notifications not in
  pendingRequestIds and eagerly invalidate incoming requests query
- NotificationToaster: invalidate ['connections', 'incoming'] when
  connection_request notifications arrive, so accept buttons are
  ready on all surfaces immediately

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.6 <noreply@anthropic.com>

frontend/src/components/notifications/NotificationToaster.tsx

@@ -62,6 +62,12 @@ export default function NotificationToaster() {
       maxSeenIdRef.current = maxCurrent;
     }
 
+    // Eagerly refresh incoming requests when connection_request notifications arrive
+    // so accept buttons work immediately on NotificationsPage / PeoplePage
+    if (newNotifications.some((n) => n.type === 'connection_request')) {
+      queryClient.invalidateQueries({ queryKey: ['connections', 'incoming'] });
+    }
+
     // Show toasts
     newNotifications.forEach((notification) => {
       if (notification.type === 'connection_request' && notification.source_id) {

frontend/src/components/notifications/NotificationsPage.tsx

@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
-import { useState, useMemo } from 'react';
+import { useState, useMemo, useEffect } from 'react';
 import { useNavigate } from 'react-router-dom';
+import { useQueryClient } from '@tanstack/react-query';
 import { Bell, Check, CheckCheck, Trash2, UserPlus, Info, AlertCircle, X, Loader2 } from 'lucide-react';
 import { formatDistanceToNow } from 'date-fns';
 import { toast } from 'sonner';
@@ -31,6 +32,7 @@ export default function NotificationsPage() {
   } = useNotifications();
 
   const { incomingRequests, respond, isResponding } = useConnections();
+  const queryClient = useQueryClient();
   const navigate = useNavigate();
   const [filter, setFilter] = useState<Filter>('all');
 
@@ -40,6 +42,17 @@ export default function NotificationsPage() {
     [incomingRequests],
   );
 
+  // Eagerly fetch incoming requests when notifications contain connection_request
+  // entries whose source_id isn't in pendingRequestIds yet (stale connections data)
+  useEffect(() => {
+    const hasMissing = notifications.some(
+      (n) => n.type === 'connection_request' && n.source_id && !n.is_read && !pendingRequestIds.has(n.source_id),
+    );
+    if (hasMissing) {
+      queryClient.invalidateQueries({ queryKey: ['connections', 'incoming'] });
+    }
+  }, [notifications, pendingRequestIds, queryClient]);
+
   const filtered = useMemo(() => {
     if (filter === 'unread') return notifications.filter((n) => !n.is_read);
     return notifications;